I read this most assuredly plagiarized McSweeney’s article and can only envision my future self 10-20 years from now, scolding my son for inappropriately equipping his Materia / Espers or AWPing from the other side of de_dust like a goddam sissy.

In your browser!

I will never be productive again.

As I’ve made many of you painfully aware, I have a thing for 8-bit video games. Especially the music. So when I found out about 8-bit Jesus, a project by some dude who guys by the name Doc Octoroc, I flipped out. It’s a comp of classic Christmas carols and hymns done in the style of classic Nintendo tunes. That isn’t to say it’s just done with an 8-bit chip or that the themes are mixed. That would be lame! No, this is way cooler.

Left 4 Dead is the new zombie survival game by Valve, the dudes behind Half Life and Portal. I just recently bought it on Steam and I’m enthralled with it.

The upcoming release of SimCity for the iPhone isn’t just bad because it’s another game I’d rather play than hang out with other human beings. It’s bad because even when I do muster up the energy and desire to share my life with the rest of humanity, a hasty retreat is no longer a car/train ride home. It’s in my pocket. All the time.

Damnit.

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As soon as I heard the new post-apocalyptic role-playing game Fallout 3 hit the torrents sites, I went and grabbed it. I’d played the first two and they were always great fun if not solely because of the amount of freedom you have in the game. Not just the sort of sandbox-style freedom you get in Grand Theft Auto, but a freedom to actually affect the world around you. Someone you decide to beat to death in an alley early in the game could have been an important character to provide you medicine or access to some special area later on.

So after a few hours playing the third installment last night, I’m pleased to say it still has exactly this sort of freedom. And it’s friggin’ awesome.

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

This game, pretty much, is like teaching yourself how to walk all over again. Left foot, then right foot. Left foot, then right foot.

It’s pretty interesting to see that things like walking, which we take for granted, are incredibly hard to describe if you try to break it down into the simplest of movements.

I made it to 33.6m after over an hour of playing. Scrabbled running competition GO!

So some crazy shit happened when Spore was released for the mac. Read more if you’re interested in the how and why, but if not, just click here to get taken to the pirate bay page for half life II for the Mac. In the description, you’ll see links for ep 1, 2 Portal, and Counter Strike.

Partially in an effort to separate pre and post Spore release date posts, and partially in a cheap and underhanded bid for more page hits, I’ve decided to post a semi-full review of the new Wil Wright game Spore. I say semi-full because the game is so unbelievably boring I couldn’t bring myself to actually play through the entire thing. But read on, if you like, to save yourself the trouble of forming your own opinions.

So, I’ve finally gotten my hands on a Wii after stalking Best Buy’s doors at a completely unreasonable hour on a Sunday morning with a ripping hangover.

This being said, I’ve not had a video game console since Sega Genesis, and I’m TOTALLY out of the loop as far as games go. I’ve got Mario Kart, and I ordered Super Mario Galaxy, but I want to know what else to get.

I’m generally not a fan of shoot em’ up type games (E.G. GTA, No More Heros)ESPECIALLY those with first person vantage points. I actually threw up after watching some friends play Bond on Playstation.

So, Scrabblers, give me your suggestions and let me know what I should check out.